sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
