she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
