I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
