TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
