Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
do nipples grow back?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
