Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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