Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
