I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
