I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
