There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
