Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I love you. Go after that dick
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