He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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