Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
