i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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