Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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