I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
wow bdsm is so cute
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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