U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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