You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
