I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
