We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
