So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
