What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
