CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
