'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
