i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
