where am i from again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
