Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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