ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
