I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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