you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
