I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
