And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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