i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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