just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im about as happy as oj after his trial
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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