Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
