dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
