Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
