yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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