Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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