Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
