i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
