Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
