2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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