I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
