You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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