It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
