Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
