do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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