Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
