After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
