Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
