my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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