The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
