I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
