I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
