he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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