he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
